i know i've written about this for many years (considering i've kept an online journal for over 9 years! anja had to help me figure that out, haha!) but... shoe shopping will one day be the death of me.
the cheap sandals i got.. broke. yey. thanks, life. my old sandals... well, there's a tear in each sandal making them very close to breaking into half if i try and use them any longer. the black shoes i bought when i moved to stockholm last winter now have a tear along the side so i can't quite wear them when it's raining.
so. because i have to work 10.30 am-9 pm tomorrow (due to a fuckup from our bosses with our scheduling - we kept insisting they'd scheduled us wrong and tried to self-correct by coming in early friday and still it was not enough so now we have to compensate by doing a huge long day tomorrow. argh!), tuesday everything is closed due to a holiday, and i leave for tiny town with no stores on wednesday, i had to go buy shoes today.
my feet are ridiculous. i've never, ever met anybody else with my problem. it's a combination of every unfortunate foot-feature one could have to mess up ones ability to find shoes that fit. i have short feet that are _ridiculously_ wide, yet wedge-shaped. this ensures that 99,9% of all shoes i encounter are 1) too long, 2) too narrow - my feet are the widest right at the part where all normal shoes turn narrow in the middle, 3) too flat so i can't even pretend to get more than my toes in.
i'd be okay if it only meant i couldn't wear flashy hyper-feminine shoes like these, but i mean all shoes, including most walking shoes/tennis shoes. i haven't been able to ever treat shoes as something i might buy because they're pretty because the kinds of shoes i can wear never, ever fall under "pretty" - they're always plain, black shoes.
walking into a shoestore for me means having to pass 97% of all shoes immediately to hopefully find 1-3 pairs of shoes that are simple, black and might fit. i don't know anybody else with my problem, so it's really hard for people to understand exactly how harsh of a situation it is. i guess if you imagine that every time you went shopping, the clothes were baby to toddler size in every single store, no exception, you might have an idea.
today i walked into 4 shoestores and found exactly one pair of shoes that 1) looked okay, i.e. plain black with no stupid athletic design, 2) fit okay. it's not like i tried other pairs on until i found this one pair either - it was the only pair i tried on because it was the only pair in _4_ stores that looked like they could work.
you know, beyond the humiliation of having freak feet, it really sucks to have such trouble finding an item one can't really live without. it's not like i can not wear shoes outdoors, y'know? while i may have problems finding clothes that fit me and that i like, i do have maybe 20 shirts that i am really pleased with by now so that doesn't really stress me out, but having _no_ shoes, not even as a backup, sucks.
so, i had to buy them. at $120, they're not the most expensive shoes i've had to buy, but close. considering my budget for the rest of the month was $280, it's an expense i really, really didn't need, but again... no options, my other shoes are all dead.
boo. BOO. fucking shoes.