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Tue, Jul. 18th, 2006, 09:46 pm
the dad needs to chillll

call number _5_ from dad today just occured. i finally told him to pleeeease chill it with the calls - i'm simply running out of things to say, hahaha. i promised him nothing extremely exciting has occured since he last called me 3 hours ago. he sort of laughed in a slightly embarrassed way, but it had to be done. i don't mind saying a short hello in the morning, or even a short goodnight in the evening, but more than that is beyond overkill.

hey, my parents are awesome for the most part, but they both have this idea that if i'm home alone for a prolonged period, i must be getting lonely and saaaaad. (funny how they never thought this when i was an actual lonely and sad teenager, haha!) obviously, what's the best remedy for a "lonely" 28-year-old? getting a combined 8 calls from her parents over a period of 10 hours!

hahaha, i kid you not. i do like that people care and call, but seriously... yesterday when my voice was at it's worst? i fielded calls from 5 different people that totalled 4+ hrs of talk-time. i do enjoy talking to my friends and family, but it didn't exactly help my voice out. also - considering i'm _not_ actually sad and lonely right now but rather really, really enjoying my quiet days after a very stressful spring, i really don't want to have to feel bad when i look at the caller id and see it's one of the parents and ponder not answering.

anyway. i think dad got the message. he's just gotten too used to the idea that any time he thinks of me, he should dial me up just to say hello. since i know our calls rarely last more than a minute, it's normally not a problem - it's what, 90-120 seconds out of my day, but ever since he realized i'm home "alone" he's been overdoing it. this from a dad who pretty much ignored me for my first 20 years entirely until i moved to another country.

after my parents divorce when i was 4, we did one of those "every other weekend" deelios, and that's pretty much the extent of how much i saw my dad until i turned 12-13 or so and i just didn't want to do it anymore. after that, i saw him pretty infrequently, and he certainly never called me.

when i was real young, though, i always liked hanging out with my dad, but he was living with another lady and her two daughters who were older than me so it was always, always really awkward for me to visit.

i didn't really have a proper room in their house (it was literally in the basement with their hobby equiptment :o hahaha) and the girls were too old to really want to spend time with me so i always felt very lonely visiting them because it meant 2-3 days with none of my own stuff and sleeping in the friggin basement alone while they all stayed upstairs. considering i shared a room with my mom until i was 14-15 years old, that was real scary for me. and then during the days i had to figure out how to entertain myself which usually meant reading because that was the only easy thing to bring along with me. i cried a lot, but was always too proud to show it even then so neither of my parents had a clue how much i hated that arrangement. duh.

most of all, it was hard seeing how they got to be a family whereas i was living with just my mom and older brother (and later my grandma). i was very envious, but never could vocalize it as a kid. yet despite that, i was always a daddy's girl. it's evened out once i got out of my teens and i now relate equally to my mom, but like i said, that took a while.

my favourite thing as a kid would be sitting in the livingroom while dad and his girlfriend had friends over - they were almost always yugoslavian and never spoke swedish so i never had a clue what they all were talking about, but they laughed a lot and played poker and played balkan music featuring a lot of accordions and wobbly voices. as it would get later and later i'd get really tired and i would eventually always curl up behind my dad's back - literally - on the couch and fall asleep because it would be such a warm and cozy spot.

:) maybe that's why i still love curling up on couches, still, haha.

hey, it wasn't all bad. one time dad and the girlfriend took me and the girls up here to stockholm to visit relatives. i was probably... 5 years old. i'm pretty sure we stayed somewhere real close to where i now live. it was a fun visit... except for when i let them take me to the hairdresser and they asked me if i wanted to just trim my hair or have a bob-cut. i had no idea what a bob-cut meant but they all seemed to think it was a good idea so i agreed to do it. and that's when the hairdresser cut off a BIG chunk of my then long hair, and it just slid down the plastic cover i had been given to wear, and i burst out crying because i didn't realize a bob-cut meant CUTTING OFF MY HAIR.

i still remember sitting there bawling my eyes out while my hair was cut to reach maybe an inch below my ears. i was so devastated, but like they explained, they couldn't exactly stop after cutting off that first initial chunk. oh how i hated that cut. i bet you that's why i still refuse to go cut my hair at a salon, haha! i haven't been to a hairdresser since i was 15. if my hair is going to suck, i'll be the one responsible for it, thank you very much!

oh, and also, i went with them to amsterdam when i was probably 6 years old. i still remember tiny bits of it. i was telling dad just last week i recall him getting really mad at me because i insisted on eating candy for breakfast and i dropped a piece of licquorice in my milk. he said he didn't remember that, but that he did remember me disappearing for a long, long time and they had to search the camping grounds until they found me with two americans girls biking through europe. apparently i was getting ready to leave with them, hahaha.

anyway. 5 calls in one day.... GAH!!! ...hahaha. here's hoping he got the message.

Tue, Jul. 18th, 2006 09:51 pm (UTC)
thebunnybin

i cried a lot, but was always too proud to show it even then so neither of my parents had a clue how much i hated that arrangement. :( {{you}}

(I know that wasn't the point of the post....)

Tue, Jul. 18th, 2006 09:59 pm (UTC)
somabish: :)

thank you, though. :)

and happy belated birthday, you! :P :D (i know you don't make a big deal out of your birthday, but you know how i get. so, happy happy! and to garrett!)

Tue, Jul. 18th, 2006 09:59 pm (UTC)
sandykins57

The father of my daughters left when they were three and eighteen months old, respectively. They are now twenty-one and twenty. The oldest has somewhat of a relationship with her father because she lived with him and two different step-mothers for a period of 2 years after daughter #2 and I moved to Sweden. Daughter #2 doesn't have a relationship with him at all. He's one of those father's that never calls. He never has. Too bad, he's missing out on a couple of really great kids.

Tue, Jul. 18th, 2006 10:04 pm (UTC)
somabish: :/

i'm real sorry to hear that. it really has always vexed me how some people just don't even the smallest things to stay in touch. i can understand friends slipping apart, and even siblings and other relatives, but your kids --- you don't have to be close, but just not even wanting to say the occasional hello is just.. so sad.

for what it's worth, at least they have you for a good bond. by the way - happy belated birthday! i just saw the date. i hope you had a good day.

Tue, Jul. 18th, 2006 10:12 pm (UTC)
sandykins57: Re: :/

I always thought it was sad for them, too. I'd let them call him whenever they wanted to. His excuse these days is that he doesn't have her address, e-mail address or telephone number. She has only given it to him 3 or 4 times, because he says that everytime she tries to get him to respond to her. Don't know what he does with them.

Thanks! The birthday was fine. I got geek toys! Plus, I have some dvds waiting for me when we go to the States in a week and a half. Yay!