i really love october. i like september, even though it tends to suck, but then i suppose i can't help feeling connected to my birthmonth. october is better, though. i like the light, i like the cold wet air, i like the clouds, i like fall pouncing in like tigger, abruptly turning the leaves into cheery colours.
the only thing i don't like about october is how it makes my brain react. i really find it obnoxious to always have to deal with depression when there is so much around that i actually enjoy. it's a bit like my brain slowly turns me into an icicle this time of year - every few days i find myself a bit colder, a bit less interested, a bit more unintentionally rude, a bit more stiff-faced. a bit of a bitch. heh.
i'm a person who laughs extremely easily, and i smile almost too much. this time of the year, my face suddenly starts to feel a bit disconnected from whatever reaction i'm having inside. it's very uncomfortable. i'll smile, but it's a plastic smile that doesn't go up to my eyes. i can actually feel the muscles and the effort of making at least enough of them move so that i can show even a tired-looking mini-smile. it's like, i'll still find things funny, but i can't be bothered to crack up properly.
and no cat. i'm cat-deprived. and all the paintings on my walls are black and blue and purple and of sad ladies. they're very pretty, but kinda sad. fucking october.
i know i've posted a couple fo these before, like, last year, but i thought it'd be fun to see them all lined up like this, since they're on different walls in my room so i can't get a good overview otherwise. :)
i still need to add "you get what anyone gets - you get a lifetime" into the speechbubble and tidy up the lighter purple parts, but the dark purple is gorgeous in person. very blue-purple comic-toned. had to push up the brightness or it'd be hard to see the colours properly in the photo, though.
sad tori lady. this painting is huge, like.. 4 feet tall or something like that.
closeup. gabi's done even more shading since i took this photo - it's definitiely gorgeous to look at close up, and surprisingly tori-like, even though that wasn't really why i wanted the painting done. i just love the pose and the colours, and it happened to be a tori photo. it's a lot darker in person, but in order to have any detail show up in the photo, i had to pull up the contrast. in reality, it's all dark blues and makes you want to step a little closer to really see what's going on. i love that quality.
i bought this off gabi last year (i paid her in shoes, haha) and it's still my favourite of all her paintings. while she's quite good at painting, she's not always very creative at coming up with images that make you want to really look at them repeatedly and for a long while. (i'm not saying that to in any way diss her - she's spoken of it herself. she tends to have to work quite a bit to find inspiration. when she is inspired, she does interesting things. when she isn't, it shows. it's pretty normal for a lot of creative people, i'd guess.)
this one often makes me stop and look and ponder for quite some time. unfortunately, it's not a style or type of idea she's ever explored again but as long as i own this one, it's okay. i just enjoy trying to think of the story behind it, of the bird unravelling the girl, yet the girl looking so unphased. love it. yey, i own it. :)
i know this is random, haha. i was looking for a photo of the painting above and came across this. it's one of very few photo's i've seen of my dad from his younger days. this is way back - i'm unsure of if it was taken in sweden or in bosnia. it was definitely when he was still a boxer. look at him sucking his stomach in, hahaha.
you know, i always used to think i looked a lot like my dad, but seeing this, i don't really think so anymore.
i'm thinking i look more like mom. like, i have her really round cheeks and mouth, and the silly nose. i think the shape of my face is more like dad's, though. my eyes aren't like anybody else in my family, though, but probably closer to dad's grey-green than my mom's blue.
okay. gonna listen to more kate bush now. ciao!