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Sun, Nov. 11th, 2007, 12:47 pm
dr house-ing

my brother has been very sick most of the week. we thought it was a stomach-bug, like maybe the flu, but it kept lingering. i brought him some minor supplies a few days ago and he seemed to be getting better.

as i was going to sleep this morning around 6am, i found a text message from him, so i gave him a call, and he really wasn't doing well. so, i told him to try and get some sleep, and i'd call him again around 9 am, at which point i could come get him and take him to an er if still needed.

i spent all morning worried, and browsed around medical websites, and i think i've narrowed it down to possible kidneystones. we talked again around 9 and i persuaded him to call a swedish medical hotline to get an opinion from a nurse (even though he had actually finally gotten some sleep and felt better), and the nurse also believes it to be kdineystones.

because he no longer has a fever, nor is in pain the way he has been, we're going to hold off on going in to an er in the hopes that the condition might have worked itself out (i.e. the stone/s may have passed without him noticing, since he now isn't in the kind of pain he has been in all week). if the fever or pain returns, i'm taking him in, but for now... so far, so good.

poor guy. first he had all the super-stress and anxiety during his job hunt. now he's finally found a job over the holidays that he was really happy about and is to start november 19, and whamma, he gets really sick.

i've felt guilty about letting him pretty much live alone for the past 5-6 months at the apartment while i live at marp's place, but as marp pointed out, when i lived in ronneby with my brother, he was very much against spending any time with me (in my teens, i had a stern instruction to never say hello to my brother if i saw him out and about!).

my brother chose not to get a job all summer long because he wanted to 'relax.'

obviously, not getting a job when you move into a new city means very little socializing and getting new friends, and also means being low on cash. so naturally, my brother has felt quite a bit lonely at times (he does have friends up here, but they all work, and with little money, i think my brother's felt awkward around them sometimes), and then the pressure of actually having to job hunt (which he has never had to do - he's had the same employer since 1991 back in ronneby, and my brother just turned 40 the other week) made him really panic and stress out.

i feel really bad for him for stressing out so much, but i guess i also have to try and not feel guilty for not being there.

even though i rarely go home to the apartmenet to see him, i keep regular touch on the phone, i've mailed out job applications (and even called a few places when his anxiety caused a sudden phone phobia) on his behalf, i make sure the rent and internet is paid even though he always has to pay his share late (or like this month, only pay part of his share), and he's free to use my very wellstocked food cupboards (since i'm not there to eat anyway).

it feels really weird to have my big brother who has always been a giant, overly cocky bastard, suddenly seem so small and insecure. i still think it was the right move for him to come live in stockholm, but i also wish he'd been smarter about really getting the ball moving as soon as he moved up here, because now, 7 months later, he's having a much harder time.

i'm glad i can offer him the use of my apartment (and that i have somewhere else to stay so he can have his space, and i can have mine) so he at least doesn't have to worry about the livingsituation. i also feel really good about finally be getting on my feet financially (babysteps, for sure, but i've definitely got a healthier flow happening, and i feel so relieved about that!) so that i can for sure help out if needed, and don't need to stress about whether he pays his share or not.

anyway. he seems better, like i said, so hopefully i can get some sleep later today. cin cin!